Presence

"If only I could be a part of your life..."

While I was falling into depression yesterday, I later got over it after drawing this vent art. Being alone is nice but it can also feel lonely and sad once you begin to realise it. This set of illustration has a lot of interpretations for a story behind it.

One of them is based on my high school experience where I'm never a "friend" or a part of any group to begin with. The people seem nice and friendly but there's a part of the group dislikes you behind your back and you knew it's better not to be a part of them (for an example, Error has hatred towards Lust due to his background). However, you want to join because there's somebody among them you trust. The problem is that they're popular or often busy with other friends.

Another perspective is seeking attention. It can be a positive or negative thing but the worst is when somebody you became friends with suddenly has been left out of the picture and was never seen again. They're left out because you could be busy, growing out, hanging out with other friends better than them, or any excuses that make you forget about them (intentionally or not). The ending could lead to a suggestive topic so I would leave it to your dark imagination.

Sometimes, when you want to talk to somebody you really like or admire, you also don't have the courage to speak up either and think it's better not to interact with them. Sadly, you're wrong. You can't expect people to come if you don't speak up. True, famous figures won't have the time to speak to you but it's different for somebody who isn't popular at all. This happens a lot to fans and followers of my work who tried to talk to me. In reality, I'm actually lonely and why I often spend time alone drawing or other things to pass time.

This can also be the other way around, where I want to speak to somebody who seems like a nice person but knowing among the people with them, I'm indifferent. I struggle with socialising and most of the group tend to be out of my interest or discourage myself to be a part of them. Most people I met tend to be from the younger generation and it's not very easy to keep up with the slangs and memes (referencing to Fresh as a part of the Friend Club). I've talked to people (both real life and online) but I noticed I'm not worth their time or interest that it's better off alone or finding new companies. This is mainly because I'm sheltered and lack of communication to share discussions with, not even knowing what's around me, the latest news or even what it's like outside.

More story ideas behind this art: When the group of friends are "normal" but you're not. Having depression isn't easy and usually left out because people rather be with somebody who can bring joy or excitement to each other instead of somebody who brings them down the mood. They could be good actors (like Lust) to pretend to be "normal" with everybody else but once you get a real emotional connection with them, you'll never know depressed people can make you the happiest when you finally see them smile the brightness from the despair. However, if you know them better or spend time with them a little longer, their life and your's could turn out differently if it wasn't for the second part of the drawing shown as an alternative timeline.

I have many interpretations behind this illustration but for this, the Friend Club (Blue, Fresh and Error) is originally made up of 3 members before Sci and Edge join them (temporary). An additional member, Lust wasn't supposed to be a part of the group because it never exists. The only time he exists with them is in UnderDespair where Swap lets him a part of the group with his approval.

Because this isn't UnderDespair, the drawings are shown in a perspective where Lust never existed in their lives. Blue somehow sense a strange feeling of somebody was there with him. It could be just his own imagination or a "ghost". The title I give is "presence" and it could also mean "a person or thing that exists or is present in a place but is not seen" as some kind of spirit or vision.

This took me 2-3 days to finish and I like the results in this artwork. You may notice, I'm able to make the speedpaint's highest quality up to 4K but personally, it feels the same results for having it in 1080p (mainly because I'm viewing it on my laptop).

The first day between the end of August to 1st of September, I only worked in the sketch and lineart. It was difficult and I didn't finish it in one night, so I continue the rest today. Lineart and shading is the worst when I worked on this but the colours are my favourite. I also learned about using the clipping mask layer to change any colour of the previous layer, the lineart. I didn't like it before when I tried to use it on previous drawings but I decided to use it for these illustrations.

The background is simple and I want to keep it that way as the characters are the main focus. I altered the original colour palette of each character to fit in with the background atmosphere of a warm afternoon, Blue running through the hall to catch up with his friends after class (in Universe-City).

Finally, I want to say that I love both drawings of the set and the hard time fixing the lineart is paid off to me, making me feel satisfied. If I have to pick one as my favourite, I like the one with Blue only and turned around to see nobody was there (or pulled his cape). But like I said, both drawings are good because if I didn't draw one without the other, this work wouldn't give out a bigger impact behind it.

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