I want to cry but...

Can't find the right balance in my focus and energy to do anything...

Basically, whenever my mood or energy is hyperactive (like yesterday), I can't seem to concentrate or draw properly. However, it's the only time my creative mood is highly active because my mood is often depressive or non-existent most of the time. I called this side of me the childish version of myself.

And when I'm at my lows (like today), I don't have the motivation to do anything but strangely, I tend to focus or have better control in drawing, especially lineart. The only difficult part is that my body feels heavy with the edge of wanting to cry, but I couldn't shed a tear. This side of myself prefers writing and is more of a cynical and self-critical version of myself who hates almost anything.

Lastly, yesterday felt like a dream or another (happier version of) me and it didn't feel like we were the same person (despite all the different sides of myself is still me in the end). I still have an identity crisis to the point it still feels like a reset button every time I wake up to a new day (or night)... or like Alice from Alice in Wonderland.