[VENT] Tarot Cards (Edge)

Three of Swords, Sun, and Nine of Swords.

First of all, the design of the tarot cards is based on JumoArt's The Bones Arcana Tarot Deck and it's my first and favourite deck ever since I got myself into tarot reading. I'm not a big fan of red, but I got used to the design and appreciate it as it is.

Yesterday, I shuffled the deck for the first three cards that reveal and represent an aspect of myself who's often paranoid and emotional like Edge. The results were surprisingly accurate and eye-opening after a huge change in my life.

The three of swords from the deck's description booklet say "grief and heartbreak" and "quarrels, separation and sorrow", but the most surprising description mentions "removal or absence of something" because my trauma-holder disappeared once the conflicts were resolved and felt understood by my boyfriend after we were able to solve our misunderstandings and communication barrier since our relationship went rocky, guilty for the wrongs on my end. Because of that, my heart sank — being stabbed in the chest three times — with my mind cleared up from any distrust I had, feeling horrible for the hurtful things we said to each other, but shockingly opened up my heart again, which is very rare to do so with people I get close to due to my aspect's personality disorder and overly protective nature as there's hardly many people can manage to get pass him.

The Sun was when I spent time with my boyfriend on his birthday. Like the sun, it was the best and happiest time we enjoyed ourselves. Another shocking truth is that my prosecutor turns out to be the one who loves my boyfriend the most with the strongest happiness than the rest in their readings, just struggling to be truthful when it comes to affection, not used to trusting others despite his hatred for lies from paranoid thoughts.

Lastly, the nine of swords was from my mental breakdown and panic attack before leaving the group party — anxious, worried and paranoid. Not even a day, I cried a lot about what happened between us and hated the fact I could finally hear what my heart wanted more clearly, feeling more guilty after being blinded by my self-doubt and grudges I couldn't let go before. I also have a lot to think about during the break from my boyfriend and wait for his answer before I can tell him mine. I have regrets and also forgot to mention one last thing, but I was advised to save the news until he gets back to me first.

After this week, I'll have to postpone my online activity even further just to have time to begin journalling all my thoughts, pros, cons and possibilities before I forget or constantly remind myself recklessly. Eventually, I'll have a lot of room to bring out my creativity with good memories, jokes and ideas inspired by my boyfriend.