[VENT] Tarot Cards (Sci)

Strength (reversed), Three of Cups (reversed), and Judgement (reversed).

As previously stated in the previous post, the design of the tarot cards is based on JumoArt's The Bones Arcana Tarot Deck. Since yesterday, I shuffled the deck for the first three cards that reveal and represent another aspect of myself who's often logical and more open-minded like Sci (and Death with detachment and coldness). The results this time were pretty accurate after a huge change in my life and why they have been quiet.

The strength (reversed) means "self-doubt, weakness, and abuse of power" from the deck's description booklet. Because of yesterday's events, my protector felt so vulnerable and questioned their role, wishing to go back in time to consider my boyfriend's feelings in their equations and be more kind to each other — like the card illustrates gentleness to the lion with care. Time can't rewind and have to accept this reality and find new strength to turn it back upright and become a better person after learning my experience from my boyfriend.

The three of cups (reversed) represent "an ending" and the need to be apart from social settings. During the group party, The logical one was overwhelmed, excluded and withdrawn ever since as a different aspect of myself could handle social interactions for them.

Lastly, the Judgment (reversed) hurts because they're usually the one who call the shots in desperate situations and manage to see many sides of the problem fairly, especially to reassure my paranoid self from getting out of trouble. Feeling defeated, wrong and useless, I felt like blaming myself even more harshly after the conflict with my boyfriend, becoming more emotional without my carer I could rely upon making decisions.

Although all the other aspects of myself have been crying a lot from the bittersweet break, there are times I switched and became numb to actively focus on the present, planning, working harder for myself and reflecting on the past with unbiased eyes to not make the same mistake again. Eventually, I still need time to think alone before calculating every pro and cons of my emotional needs for the future.

Ever since I met my boyfriend, my life has become more interesting and want to know everything about him, like a curious scientist wanting answers to unexplainable reasons for my attraction to him. But now, I can only hope for the best for the both of us, even though I don't wish to return to nihilism that I could survive on my own. Thanks to my boyfriend, his words affected me from the thought of loneliness and being unwanted, realising how much he truly cares since I've been neglected in the past to notice it until now.